Changes....

I've been going through a lot of changes in my life since my grandma died and I came home from Portland. I used to love it here in LA. I used to LOVE going to school and doing homework. I loved hanging out with my friends and going out...

When I first came home all I did was drink. I drank every night for about a week until one night I got so drunk that I was throwing up all night and all day the next day. I felt so awful because the next day was the day that Noah and I were going to celebrate our anniversary, we were supposed to go to a movie and dinner but instead we stayed home and did nothing. I couldn't believe that I had disappointed him like that all because I was having trouble dealing with what was going on in my life. I decided to quit drinking, its honestly not worth feeling like crap and and isn't worth the money. Lately I havent been wanting to do anything. I stay up until 4am and sleep until 2pm. I don't want to go out. I don't want to talk to people. I just want to go home. I feel so far away from my family. It's so hard to keep concentrated on school when all I can think about is going home. I havent't been eating much either, which I think is just because I'm depressed.

I want to be able to get back to where I was... happy. How are you supposed to just pick back up and start your life again? How do people just move on?

Hopefully I can keep it together and get through this quarter and have a fresh start next quarter... maybe go home to see my family again. Although I dont know if that will help or make things worse..

XoXo,
Steph